It’s a new day…

ah, baby it’s a new day.

Lately.

Lately my life has been quite the adventure.  From early morning laughs with dear new friends, to late night tears with new boys (there should not be an ’s’ on boys, but it sounded better with the sentence, so I went for it).  For some reason, I have found myself in situations I swore I would never be in.  People think I’m being fooled, but I’m well aware.  My eyes are not blinded.  I just choose to close them sometimes. You live you learn, right?  Here’s to walking away. 

Now that majority of my friends have left me (punks, I tell ya), I have realized just how much I depended on them.  Though these times are tough, I am finding my own strength, learning on my own, and strengthening my own faith… maybe for the first time in my life.  I am discovering more about myself than ever before.  Here’s to being shaped.

Death.

Death has really hit me in the past 24 hours.  In a way that it never really has.  I suppose the more losses you witness, the more you learn about death, huh?  And it seems the older we get, everywhere I turn I hear of someone I have known losing their life.  Today it just really settled that my life on this earth could end in this very moment.  Would I be content with the way things were the moment my life on this earth was over?  To be brutally honest with you… right now, no.  I have abandoned dear friendships.  I have settled for a life that leads me anything but satisfied.  I have forgotten that I am called to be light in this world of darkness… yet lately, to be quite honest, that light has been very dim.  

Do the people I love know I love them? 

Do my friends know that I believe that to know Jesus Christ is to know life?

It’s hitting me that in any moment I can get a phone call saying someone in my family or a dear friend has passed away.  The closest person to me that has passed away was Blair, almost one year ago.  I still haven’t wrapped my mind around that situation.  I think I never will.  It still hasn’t settled that she truly is gone forever.  On random days, I remind myself… it’s a weird feeling. I know that I was not content in the way I left things with Blair, and I don’t want that to happen again.  If I must get another phone call, I want to know that they knew they were dearly loved, that I would have done anything for them.  

What a ramble.  All I know is, I want to live differently.

Turning over a new leaf.

No, Chase, it may not be fall yet according to you… but nonetheless, I am turning over a new leaf.

I just sat here and stared at my computer screen, typed a sentence, erased it, typed another, erased it… for about 10 minutes.  I have come to the conclusion that what is going on with me right now isn’t quite ready to be expressed in words.  But fear not, I shall share when it is.

Updates:

-We finally got internet. Sorry for my lack of blogging.

-By “we”, i mean me and my new roommate Whitney. She’s amazing.

-Working at Cheng Du again (oh how I missed it) and Auburn Hotel.

-I’m falling in love with this town again. Weird.

-I’ve been listening to Feist’s “My Moon My Man” on repeat for days.  There’s a line in that song that sums up a certain area of my life recently. Who can guess which it is?

A rant of rants.

First, let me preface by saying that I, too, am at fault when it comes to this… just had to go ahead and say that before someone called me out in the comment section.

Why is it that our generation is so fearful of verbal communication?  We would rather text, send facebook messages, gchat, use aim, or email rather than pick up the phone and call someone.  I am all for emails when updating.  If it weren’t for emails, I wouldn’t be able to keep in touch with half of my friends as easily as I do… text messages too for that matter.  However, in certain situations, people often use these tools as cop outs.  

I’m just scared that before we know it, we are all going to forget what face-to-face or even verbal communication is like.  I say, quit hiding behind the computer screen and “man up!” Ha. 

Oh, I can tell you I’m mad through a text… or I can tell you I’m sorry in an email… I can talk to you about my “feelings” through AIM or gchat… but if you call, I’ll screen it.  That’s lame.

Top and bottoms.

My day:
Top- I’m moved out of harmon!
Bottom- I don’t get to live with my sister anymore.

My week:
Top- Coffee with courtney pearce.
Bottom- Too much packing/moving.

My month:
Top- Edie and Tim’s wedding weekend.
Bottom- Class.

My summer:
Bottom- Leaving gay street and saying bye to friends.
Top- Still staying in touch with (most) of those friends.

August’s forecast for tops:
Beach trip with the fam.
More cash flow.
Auburn football.
Encounter (oh how my soul has missed it)

Ramblings.

This weekend was exactly what I needed. Tim and Edie came to visit and it was back to normal for a couple of days. Me, Edie, Tim, and Garrett sat in tcby Saturday night and laughed harder than I have laughed in a long time. It’s good to be around people that know you…

I move out of the harmon house tomorrow morning. I will be homeless for a few days… 9 to be exact. But I’ve always loved a good night on the couch. Just hope I can find a couch.

On to less important ramblings… sometimes I wonder what to say to certain people and what is better left unsaid. I want, often times, for people to know exactly how they hurt me, exactly what they have done wrong, exactly what their problem is… because OF COURSE I got it all figured out. Ha. But I suppose they aren’t my lessons to teach. So, I stay quiet…

Completion.

I would like to take the time to congratulate the one and only Mr. Chase Baron Ferguson.  After many years of hard work and dedication… and after a summer full of open books filled with highlight markings and notecards… is now a college graduate.  

don’t you wish this wild cowboy was your nurse?

Crush.

…i love this drink…

convenience.

Friendships after college are hard.  Maybe I should rephrase that, because not all friendships after college are hard, but there are definitely some that are.  I suppose that friendships aren’t as convenient, they take more effort, more intentionality.  When people don’t live in the same city as you, phone calls (that used to not be important) become a necessity… and who likes phone conversations? Emails become a way to stay in touch… but who likes impersonal emails?  

The thing is, its not ideal.  Phone calls and emails being the source of a friendship.  But if that’s the only way to keep you in my life, I am willing.  I just don’t take the time to make friends if I don’t truly want to be your friend.  If I invest in our friendship,  its not because I want to be your friend for 6 months or a year… 

I know, I know… you’re thinking some friendships have seasons.  I disagree.  I love my friends too much to let them go after a season.  We live in a world where communication is ridiculously easy.  Yet we can’t seem to find the time to do so.  We can’t even find the time to drive 3 miles in Auburn to hang out with people, much less set aside time for an intentional phone call.  I think that’s absurd.  

I hope I never lose friends due to lack of convenience.